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A great conversation with psychotherapist Esther Perel, reflecting on a number of topics such as attitude to relationships, desire, love and dating. This is for everyone regardless of relationship status. Be sure to check out her YouTube page for tips and advice in her bite size videos.
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According to philosopher Merleau-Ponty, our sexuality expresses our whole attitude to life so what does it say about internet based community that 36% (the highest category) of content shared online relates to porn.
In various conversations with people it never fails to amaze me how sex can still be a taboo in terms of having open and honest discussions about the different aspects of sex, sexuality and sexual well-being. Seems we are generally still happy to do it but still uncomfortable talking about it. Well, I'm going to talk about sexual well-being. The power of sexual energy is ever present – some embrace it, some deny and suppress it, others become hooked on the natural highs. Easier to partake in than have a conversation about, our tongues seem to find it easier to perform than eloquently communicate our needs and feelings. Reference to sex and sexuality pervades life more than we care to admit. A simple example is advertising; alluding to sex or sexual innuendo is used to sell almost everything. In magazines there’s no end of discussions and tips on how to please your partner, stimulating positions, new tricks and gimmicks. Its all information which can be made used or discarded but it’s the perceived reality it creates that’s more worrying. They say a lie told a thousand times becomes a truth. In the case of sex it leads to issues of what is "normal". What is ‘normal’ indeed? There is no normal but this is something that can cause a lot of stress for people. The growth of the internet with the accompanying increased accessibility of porn and the constant bombardment in the general media I feel has contributed greatly to this situation. This has influenced our perceptions on many aspects of sex such as frequency, positions, risk taking, level of desire, styles – vanilla, kink or BDSM. An old saying is apt here, quality over quantity. Individually and as a couple I would say what would help more is to find what works for you, what you actually find fulfilling. This takes time through getting to know ourselves including your body. Unfortunately sex is something that although we need to, we rarely have a mature conversation about as we go from adolescence into adulthood. For a lot of people, sexual wellbeing relates to general wellbeing, satisfaction is very much related to what is going on in other aspects of your life and really we shouldn’t expect otherwise. If there are issues then its worth taking a holistic approach like ensuring there aren’t any medical conditions. If that’s not the case then perhaps attend to other areas of your life such as work or life pressures. No doubt a lot of people can attest to the link of relationship issues affecting their sex lives and this can become a perpetuating cycle. In all, our sexual/sensual self doesn’t fit into neat boxes. Over the course of our lives as we naturally change through age our relationship with our mind and body goes through changes too. Our sexual being is greatly aided by being more attuned and true to ourselves. |
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